I need: more excercise, green juice, make-up remover wipes, cocoa butter body wash/ bubble bath from the body shop, to schedule my massage!!!
I want: my hair back to jet black and parted down the middle
I love: BB, sleep, real friends
I need: more excercise, green juice, make-up remover wipes, cocoa butter body wash/ bubble bath from the body shop, to schedule my massage!!!
My "Chocolate News" ep is on tonight. I am so SCARED!
UPDATE: I did a good job! I didn't look like an elephant! Ok...maybe a baby elephant :) Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
Turkey w/ gravy (obvs)
Mac and Cheese
Cheese/ Crackers (apps)
Dessert: Pie/ Cake/ Ice Cream
anything else??? it's me, BB, Dad,Uncle Jimmy, possibly a third that I'm not 100% thrilled about. we'll see...
So it's a beautiful Sunday morning and instead of sleeping in and then picking Bill up from the airport I have to:
1. Clean the entire apartment, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, etc.
2. Go over my lines for acting class, meet w/ scene partners at 3:30 p.m.
3. Shower and Nair, uh..."down there". I refuse to wax. REFUSE.
Better get going. After this week, I'll be back to normal. Whatever that is.
I had completely forgotten about this. Pretty damn good writing, if I do say so myself.
Here is my office cube. I've surrounded myself with pictures and images that inspire me. Have a look:
The right side of the cube with my two favorite rock stars, Lenny and Slash. Two hot ass, talented, biracial motherfuckers. I love them. Alek Wek, Santogold, M.I.A, Mata Hari, Jackson Pollack, Lisa Bonet.
The left side. I've got a lot of images of women who fascinate me. Josephine Baker, Frida Kahlo, Edie Sedgewick, Donyale Luna, Janelle Monae.
Above me on a shelf lives a menagerie of plastic animals from Luna Park, candle, 3-D glasses and a poster for The Diving Bell and The Butterfly. A beautiful movie.
Me: Take me to the mall!
Bill: What for?
Me: I uh...just wanted to check out some makeup and stuff.
Bill: What are you...fourteen?!
I would be completely remiss if I didn't talk about the joy I feel about Barack Obama becoming President of the United States. It's an amazing feeling. I am SO glad I voted and I am thrilled to be a part of a truly historic event. I've never felt more excited about the future of this country, or more proud. Thank you, God. This truly is a blessed day.
Let's ignore the horrible expression that is captured on this video, shall we? *sigh
That's how much I just spent at Radio Shack buying a new digital camera and memory card. The camera is sick. A Casio Exilim EX-S10 in red. It's for me and Bill since he seems to have lost the last one and I haven't gotten around to getting a new memory card and charger for the one he got me for my birthday about 4 years ago. I bummed that the old camera is lost. I hd some nice pics of me and Simone as well as shots from the TV gig I booked. Oh well. Time for new memories!
I get the WORST anxiety lately. I've never really struggled with it before but then again I've never done so much creatively before. It's as if all my dreams are too much to handle once they become reality. I really need to relax and enjoy it all but it can be overwhelming. Bill and I talked for about an hour about why we shouldn't get a dog. The conversation was beyond depressing because it was another barricade on the road to our happiness. While it's true, our money, time and energy need to be put into the creation of our dream lives, it feels like we're cheating ourselves by not adding another member to the family. But I am also famous for looking for things to distract me, to give me temporary comfort so that I don't have to think about everything I need to do. Even now, there's a pit of fear festering in my belly that would rather curl up with a puppy than write this blog, interview an amazing band or learn my lines for class. All those things I WANT to do, NEED to do, yet getting there is the hardest part. I'm used to my life being an equation with predictable results and now that I can no longer see the outcome, I'd rather not do the math at all. But it all needs to stop now. I need to move forward now. This is why I moved. This is why I stayed. This is why I want more.
It's been way to long since I have posted last. Not doing that great of a job blogging it seems. Well, I'm trying not to bee too hard on myself anymore. I'm also trying to work from the heart and not the head. Doing this has enabled me to be more invested in myself. It's help me deal with my fears. It's also helped me get through a couple of tough situations lately. I recently got into a fight with a friend. It was, as most the fights I have with friends are, a misunderstanding. My initial reaction to situations like that are to coldly point out everything wrong with the person with a tone in my voice that would suggest that I could walk away from them at any minute. I got called on this by my friend when she said that I was "emotionally removed". It's true, I definitely back away from displaying emotions when there's a lot of tension. The only person I don't do this with is BB but that's because I don't mind him seeing me out of control. Anyone else, it seems needs to know that I have the upper hand at all times.
So, I'm trying to let go. Do what makes me happy and follow my heart. I've recently been asked to join the team of music and comedy enthusiasts and host online interviews for a very cool website run by an awesome and ambitious young woman. 'll give you the scoop in a couple of weeks after my first interview. I'm so excited! I also need to get on track with the business venture that my mom and I want to do together. I haven't ben working on that as much as I need to. Oh and I booked a role on a TV show! It hasn't aired yet...I need to email Ian and ask him about that. What else...oh I saw my co-worker Lauren kick ass at the L.A. Derby Dolls match last night. They'll be looking for new Dolls soon so maybe I'll get in n the action too.
So there it is plus tons more. I'm feeling good. I feel like this is just the beginning.
This was in today's L.A. Times and couldn't be any more relevant right now:
Gemini: You'll come into contact with certain people, who, as great as they may be, are still not the correct fit for you. Stay open to new possibilities. You have to feel that click, and after you do, nothing else matters much.
I haven't posted in a minute which I am truly sorry for because so much has happened in the last week or so. I don't have time to do a full post right but I'll leave you with this... I am on my way to a 9am makeup call. I have booked a role on the new David Alan Grier Show on Comedy Central. I am beyond excited. Is this really happening?!
PIcs and posts coming real soon- I promise!!
Amongst all the old pictures, books and dance recital costumes that my mother has saved over the years, I found a single yellow 3 hole-punched sheet of paper. On it I had typed this (type case and misspellings included):
NIA RENEE HILL:
BACKGROUND: HAS LIVED IN THE CITY, AND THE SUBURBS
HAS LIVED IN BOSTON AND NEW YORK
NOW LIVES IN GEORGIA
LIVES IN A LARGE, PINK HOUSE
HAS A BROTHER AND A SISTER
HAS A STEP-FATHER
HOBBIES: READING, SWIMMING, HORSE-BACK RIDING, TENNIS
RAQUETBALL, WRITTING, AND ACTING
IDEAL GUY: WARM, CARING, RESPECTS ME AND MY IDEAS, LIKES ME FOR ME ISN'T AFRAID TO TALK TO ME AROUND OTHER PEOPLE AND FRIENDS AS WELL AS ME, RESPECTS MY CHOICE OF FRIENDS, MUST BE CUTE, AND CANNOT BE MEAN.
TURN-ONS: RELAXATION, SOFT MUSIC, ROCK MUSIC, GUYS WHO CARE
TURN OFFS: BIGOTS, SPITTING, NASTY JOKES, RUDE COMMENTS, BURPING
FAVORITE LINE: "I BET THERE'S MORE TO YOU THAN BEAUTY"
LEAST FAVORITE LINE: "YOU REMIND ME OF A GIRL I ONCE KNEW"
AMBITION IN LIFE: I WANT TO HAVE A STEADY AND ONGOING JOB IN ACTING, HAVE A HUSBAND, MAYBE HAVE A CHILD AND A NICE PENTHOUSE OVER CALIFORNIA."
I had forgotten all about this. I used to write these kinds of things all the time as a kid. I pretended that I was being interviewed because I was going to be a big movie star one day and naturally, all the magazines would want to know everything about me. I think I got this format from old issues of Playboy Magazine. I remember seeing the centerfolds and while I was definitely fascinated by the girls themselves (I didn't know anyone who looked like that), I was more interested in what they filled out on the other side of the page.
I still conduct these interviews in my head only now it starts off with how I walked briskly into the Beverly Hills Hotel wearing giant wrap around sunglasses and carrying an enormous bag. I order a salad but only eat half of it and drink glass after glass of unsweetened iced tea. I don't have a trace of make-up on but my skin is flawless (thanks to my vegan diet and plenty of water, natch). I'm exhausted because I just wrapped the new Woody Allen in Paris but I am thrilled to be promoting it. It goes on from there...
Finding this piece of paper is like finding a glimpse of my childhood. An innocent piece of me that I had misplaced. I must have been about 12 or so when I wrote this and it's amazing to me what's changed, what has stayed the same and how tender headed I was...even back then.
I recently went to Richmond, VA and got to spend some quality time with my mom. Bill was performing there so I tagged along and had a great time. The three of us went to lunch in Cary Town where my mom had one glass of white wine and proceeded to embarrass me by telling Bill about my conception. It was hilarious, though. My mom is a fantastic drunk. We went shopping for a bit afterwards, dragging poor Bill around for about an hour while we gasped and talked about how cute everything was. I ended up doing pretty well, clothes-wise. A cropped black fall coat with an amazing collar, a dress and a shirt from a store that reminded me of Urban Outfitters but better. Mom also gave me her short black leather jacket that she couldn't fit anymore. I also got a belt, underwear and the perfect vintage Joan-from-"Mad Men" dress that cost $9. I love shopping in Virginia- bargains abound!
Mom and I also took some time to chat about going into business together. It's still in the conception phase but I am very excited about it. If we go full force and it works out the way I'm envisioning it, I could be doing all the things I am passionate about. Very exciting! Trey drove down from North Carolina and we went to see Bill at the Funny Bone. He was hilarious and had Mom and Trey doubled over the whole time. Watching them laugh and have a good time made me feel so good. Anyone who can make my family laugh that hard is definitely a keeper.
Mom and I went through old pictures and reminisced about old times. She kept a lot of my old toys and letters too. It was such a joy to learn that my old Fisher Price record player still worked. Mom said she kept all those things because she wanted to see my reaction to them. She's awesome. I also got to take a great picture of my dear step-father, Mr. G. It's a still from the production of "The Odd Couple" that he did in Alabama. I love the picture. It's classic Mr. G. He's just being, not acting, not forcing anything. Just a bright shining star for the world to see. I also took a picture of him and Gregory Hines. I imagine them having drinks in heaven and it makes me smile. I wanted a picture of my mother during her modeling days. She wasn't exactly a working model but she was interested and had some test shots taken. The one I have is so beautiful. It looks like an album cover. I have to have it framed as soon as possible.
Going home was wonderful and heart breaking all at the same time. It makes me realize how much I miss my family and how much I miss Mr. G. I can't wait for Trey to graduate and Mom to move out here. It will be a new chapter in all of our lives. I can't wait.
I'm not a big fan of overly reminiscing about the past. I have a couple of friends (well...one now) who loves to talk about our younger years as if they are the pinnacle of our success and happiness. I'd like to think that I haven't reached my zenith yet- that I didn't peak at 13 years old. Simone says that when I was younger, everything I wanted to be, I am now while everything she wanted to be happened when we were in high school. That made me sad. I feel like there is so much to look forward to, so many places to go, people to meet, restaurants to try and cocktails to drink. I feel like I am just getting started. I have to admit though, 7th grade was pretty dope. I was class president ( I swept the vote by promising no homework on Fridays and a "Mr. and Miss 7th and 8th Grade" pageant), a member of a pretty tame cheerleading team (we wore sweatpants!!!!) and auditioned for both the Mickey Mouse Club and Nickelodeon.
The MMC doesn't know what it lost but Nick liked my style. They came to a mall in Atlanta and after 4 hours of screen tests, physical challenges and NKOTB trivia, I was christened the winner by having gallons of slime dumped on my head in font of hundreds of onlookers. It was the best day of my life. As a result, my family and I were flown to Universal Studios is Orlando where I appeared on "Get The Picture". Mike O'Malley from "Yes Dear" was the host and I found him dreamy and hilarious. He in turn seemed to enjoy my Arsenio Hall impression. See below:
Thanks to Christine for posting this on YouTube. I was mortified at first but now I can watch it and laugh. I had so much fun that day. I was so eager, excited and animated. And nerdy...let's not forget nerdy. It's one of my best memories but I have a whole lifetime ahead of me and hopefully it will be filled with more moments like this.
I can't decide which way I prefer my hair...
This is how I have it now. It's can be both sexy and sophisticated. It's also more a "hair style"- it has a look that can't be varied too much. Which isn't a bad thing. I've been wanting to cultivate a "look" for some time.
This is the look I had right before the current style. It's a bit more casual and fun but can be sleek and conservative if need be.*
*see profile pic
These are my favourite murals in Los Feliz. LA is full of amazing murals. Love letters to the street. I can't draw a stick figure so it always amazes me when I see a breathtaking piece of art. On a subway car, on a wall...you can make a canvas out of anything.
Be forward thinking.
Never back down.
Live a passionate life.
Only buy it if you love it.
Listen to music.
Never stop having fun.
For the past 20 years or so I have been searching for the best products for my face. I have to say that I've been pretty lucky with my skin and I'm more than obsessed with keeping it as nice and smooth and clean as possible. The problem for me though, was for a while I just bought whatever magazines and commercials told me I should buy. Granted, fashion and beauty mags can offer a lot of good advice but when I think of all the dough I spent on beauty products that didn't work for me, I cringe. But I cringe no more (mostly because I don't want to encourage wrinkles)! I have found the perfect combo of products to keep me looking good. And so, because I am a narcissist- I will share them with you. Enjoy!
Purity Made Simple by Philosophy is my absolute favorite tried and true face cleanser. It's very gentle, not heavy on perfume and cleanses beautifully. There's no crazy foaming going on and honestly you don't need it. When rinsed off, it's also great at leaving your skin with just the right of moisture. Love, love!
For a deeper clean (isn't that what they say on the commercial? oh jeez...) I use Neutrogena Deep Clean Cream Cleanser. Generally speaking, I'm not a big fan of Neutrogena because I find their products to be too harsh and drying. The Deep Clean Cream Cleanser works for me though. It's great at taking off makeup and there's a nice tingling sensation going on. Kind of reminds me of old school Noxema without all that eye burning business.
Kiehl's Rosewater Toner. For real, I CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT THIS. I am so serious. Whatever is in this bottle (roses? ground unicorn horns?) it's working for me. Very refreshing and smells yummy too. It's good to spritz all over your body as well as your face if your feeling extra fancy. Which I do.
Again, with the Kiehl's. I really love their products. Very well made, simple and efficient. I actually use the moisturizer with SPF 15, which is lighter and better for day wear. It is perfection.
I try to do a mask once a week to keep everything tight. I can't afford to get facials so I reasoned that if I invested in a good mask, I'd be doing right by my face and my wallet. I believe I am right.
I used to laugh at my Dad because he always used the OG pink Oil of Olay face lotion (I guess they took the "Oil of" out of it and streamlined it to just be "Olay"- classy!) but his skin has always looked great. He and my Mom have a lot to do with what I ended up with, obviously. Thanks Mom and Dad! Anyway, I use the Olay Regenerist Night Cream because it really hydrates my skin overnight. My apartment can be a little dry so it definitely helps. The box says that you will wake up to a mini face lift every morning. Whateves. It smells good AND is in a purple jar. Can't beat that!
The party was a lot of fun. Cool, interesting people and conversations about everything from Facebook to Obama. In terms of wardrobe, I decided to go with a long, black, cotton dress with a halter top that I got at Marshalls that originated at the Gap. I piled on my hippie jewelry and my new gladiators from Steve Madden. I felt relaxed an comfortable which was really what I was going for in the first place. Once I got to the party the first thing I noticed was another girl who was rocking a similar look, only her dress was purple (my favorite color, btw). She had tons of hippie jewelry on too and she even had ORANGE NAIL POLISH! Quel horror! Whatever...I'm still feeling my hippie/ rock n roll thing. I think I wear it well.
In other news, my body is sorer (not a word) than a mutha*****. I've been working out like crazy at the gym, trying to take advantage of the sick group classes. I did 5 days a week last week for an hour and a half or more each time. I was doing fine until this past weekend. I did a class called Cardio Quikie that kicked my ass followed by a grueling Sculpt class. The day before I had done a boxing class and then ran for half and hour. I felt like a champ them but now my wrists, arms and back are killing me and I feel all tight. I've been stretching but what i need is a nice massage- maybe a Thai massage from the place on Hillhurst.
I'm trying to lose weight/ tone up for like the 20th time in my life. It's incredibly frustrating to have to think about everything you put in your mouth and when you can squeeze a workout in all while still meeting friends for drinks and having romantic dinners with your boyfriend. I'm trying to stay the course though and stay off the scale so I don't get all freaked out. Still...I can't help but imagining a life where none of this matters.
My dad is picking me up in about half an hour to take me to a Labor Day BBQ. It's attendees will be various African American Hollywood types (A-listers? Not sure...) and wannabes (me, naturally). And of course I have NOTHING TO WEAR!!! This of course is an exaggeration. The real problem is that I have nothing that I want to wear. I'm feeling rock and roll adventurous but i don't really have anything that will reflect that without making me look like a tool. I have lots of pretty dresses but I'm SO not feeling the "pretty" thing today. I'm going for a more interesting, constructed look. Also, must keep in mind that this is a BBQ so casual is probably most appropriate. Oh god...why am I not a natural style maven that can just throw it together effortlessly? Instead of agonizing for hours over something so simple? Whatever...I'll throw some shit together and pray to Allah that it works.
Grant (motioning to a mini waterfall): That is so cool, I'd like to have that in my place.
Me: Yeah, it's beautiful. It's kind of, like..sexy.
Me (laughing nervously): Oh..uhh, I don't know! I 'm just really open right now, I guess.
Random Woman Listening: Yeah, you're liable to say anything!
Labels: no filter
Thoughts????? I have found that women love it. Men, not so much. I did a lovely shade of lavender a few weeks ago and got a lot of compliments from men. Interesting... The orange is a bit "Halloween-y" as Bill put it but something about it makes me happy.
today i had a tremendous experience and feedback in my acting class. lots of wonderful compliments that were great to hear but also scary. if i have so much talent, there's a responsibility on my part to do something with it, right? but instead of excitement (it's there...just not as prevalent as the fear) i feel an intense amount of pressure and anxiety. one of my goals is to live a fearless life but it's hard because it means that i need to work harder than a lot of people (including myself) want to work. i try to keep my day to day goals simple and manageable. i need to:
1. figure out how to upload videos and pics on this blog
2. order parts for my digital camera
3. (try to) blog every day
4. go to sleep- i have to be up at 5am
wish me luck! sweet dreams...
This an actual IM conversation* I had with Simone yesterday. The name Tender Headed has been on my mind for many years now. It sort of sums up my life and thus, the blog reflects that.
Simone: how would you define tenderheaded
Sent at 3:14 PM on Tuesday
me: i woudl say that it's a phrase used in black culture to describe how a person reacts to getting their hair done. our hair normally thick and curly and as children it was often put into differnt braided styles, most poularly cornrows
you would sit on the floor between your mother's legs while she navigated you're mane with a comb and brush
she would pull hard, jerking and twistign your head this way and that all the whiel you winced in pain or said OWW! over and over again
to which your mother would say, girl you are SO tender headed!
this phrase follows you into early adolensence when you're mother took you to the beauty salon
Simone: aw the nostaglia
me: she would tell the hair dresser- well, she's TENDER HEADED, like you couldn't take it or something
and even now, at the salon, the stylist may ask you if you are tenderheaded so she knows what kind of client she's deling with
so there's that
i also think it means beign sensitive
i've always been told that i'm too sensitive
well at least when i was younger
and it bothered me
but not anymore. i am proud to admit that i am tender headed in and out of the salon chair
ok...all of that is going in the blog
*Yes, I realize there are many misspellings but when I IM, I have no time to spell correctly. I'm too busy typing as fast as I can before the other person cuts me off.
Hello! Welcome to my new and improved blog. I started this blog last year with the intent of writing everyday- an exercise in creatvity as well as a journal of my experiences. It was good...but dark. Not in a way that I'm ashamed of but I'd like to move on from that phase in my life. Out of the darkness and into the light, so to speak. The name Nia means "purpose" in Swahili and I am determined to find my purpose in life. So here it is. What I love, what I do and what I want. Enjoy!