It's Almost Too Much Sometimes

I get the WORST anxiety lately. I've never really struggled with it before but then again I've never done so much creatively before. It's as if all my dreams are too much to handle once they become reality. I really need to relax and enjoy it all but it can be overwhelming. Bill and I talked for about an hour about why we shouldn't get a dog. The conversation was beyond depressing because it was another barricade on the road to our happiness. While it's true, our money, time and energy need to be put into the creation of our dream lives, it feels like we're cheating ourselves by not adding another member to the family. But I am also famous for looking for things to distract me, to give me temporary comfort so that I don't have to think about everything I need to do. Even now, there's a pit of fear festering in my belly that would rather curl up with a puppy than write this blog, interview an amazing band or learn my lines for class. All those things I WANT to do, NEED to do, yet getting there is the hardest part. I'm used to my life being an equation with predictable results and now that I can no longer see the outcome, I'd rather not do the math at all. But it all needs to stop now. I need to move forward now. This is why I moved. This is why I stayed. This is why I want more.