That's how much I just spent at Radio Shack buying a new digital camera and memory card. The camera is sick. A Casio Exilim EX-S10 in red. It's for me and Bill since he seems to have lost the last one and I haven't gotten around to getting a new memory card and charger for the one he got me for my birthday about 4 years ago. I bummed that the old camera is lost. I hd some nice pics of me and Simone as well as shots from the TV gig I booked. Oh well. Time for new memories!
I get the WORST anxiety lately. I've never really struggled with it before but then again I've never done so much creatively before. It's as if all my dreams are too much to handle once they become reality. I really need to relax and enjoy it all but it can be overwhelming. Bill and I talked for about an hour about why we shouldn't get a dog. The conversation was beyond depressing because it was another barricade on the road to our happiness. While it's true, our money, time and energy need to be put into the creation of our dream lives, it feels like we're cheating ourselves by not adding another member to the family. But I am also famous for looking for things to distract me, to give me temporary comfort so that I don't have to think about everything I need to do. Even now, there's a pit of fear festering in my belly that would rather curl up with a puppy than write this blog, interview an amazing band or learn my lines for class. All those things I WANT to do, NEED to do, yet getting there is the hardest part. I'm used to my life being an equation with predictable results and now that I can no longer see the outcome, I'd rather not do the math at all. But it all needs to stop now. I need to move forward now. This is why I moved. This is why I stayed. This is why I want more.
It's been way to long since I have posted last. Not doing that great of a job blogging it seems. Well, I'm trying not to bee too hard on myself anymore. I'm also trying to work from the heart and not the head. Doing this has enabled me to be more invested in myself. It's help me deal with my fears. It's also helped me get through a couple of tough situations lately. I recently got into a fight with a friend. It was, as most the fights I have with friends are, a misunderstanding. My initial reaction to situations like that are to coldly point out everything wrong with the person with a tone in my voice that would suggest that I could walk away from them at any minute. I got called on this by my friend when she said that I was "emotionally removed". It's true, I definitely back away from displaying emotions when there's a lot of tension. The only person I don't do this with is BB but that's because I don't mind him seeing me out of control. Anyone else, it seems needs to know that I have the upper hand at all times.
So, I'm trying to let go. Do what makes me happy and follow my heart. I've recently been asked to join the team of music and comedy enthusiasts and host online interviews for a very cool website run by an awesome and ambitious young woman. 'll give you the scoop in a couple of weeks after my first interview. I'm so excited! I also need to get on track with the business venture that my mom and I want to do together. I haven't ben working on that as much as I need to. Oh and I booked a role on a TV show! It hasn't aired yet...I need to email Ian and ask him about that. What else...oh I saw my co-worker Lauren kick ass at the L.A. Derby Dolls match last night. They'll be looking for new Dolls soon so maybe I'll get in n the action too.
So there it is plus tons more. I'm feeling good. I feel like this is just the beginning.
This was in today's L.A. Times and couldn't be any more relevant right now:
Gemini: You'll come into contact with certain people, who, as great as they may be, are still not the correct fit for you. Stay open to new possibilities. You have to feel that click, and after you do, nothing else matters much.
I haven't posted in a minute which I am truly sorry for because so much has happened in the last week or so. I don't have time to do a full post right but I'll leave you with this... I am on my way to a 9am makeup call. I have booked a role on the new David Alan Grier Show on Comedy Central. I am beyond excited. Is this really happening?!
PIcs and posts coming real soon- I promise!!